The Love Bank

WOW!  I find myself still wide awake this morning after a long night of attempting to study for finals.  I can't get my mind off of a very simple concept I learned early on in my marriage.  The Love Bank.  Do you know how hard we have to work to write a wrong?  Do you know how much building up it takes when someone has knocked you down?  Well this particuliar night had me left nearly speechless...and I said nearly.  I don't think that people understand how much it takes to rebuild a relationship when you have said or done something to empty someones tank!  There are some things taking place in our lives right now that I have absolutely no control over.  I would have to say that I have been tested beyond my own limits in the past two weeks, and I thought last month was hard.  I can handle almost anything that life throws at me.  I mean seriously I am a wife praying her heart out over a husband who is struggling with events from last week.  He is an amazing man....the calm in my storm....the Daddy who shows unconditional love and patience always at the exact time we need him to.  It is my turn to be that solid rock for him.  I can only do what God guides me to do and pray that Eric finds his own way with taking leadership in our family and pray that God will open up doors for him to feel successful in whatever he decides to do career wise next.  He was thrown for a sudden loop last week and I honestly dont know what to even say to him. 

The thing for me right now that is so unthinkable is how my children are being treated by the world!  Have we placed them or put them in positions that God would not want us to?  On Monday morning Mason, our son who has Autism went through the most horrific hearing before a judge.  He was not asked to speak or utter a word but was forced to sit in a room and listen to three of his most trusted adults say and speak facts about his disability.  This nearly tore my heart out for him...It left Toni, his case manager, his Daddy and I all in tears speaking the words of truth about his development in front of him.  We have always been a family who finds the littlest thing to point out to him that is positive, even if it is that he just simply put on clean clothes or showered without a fight or assistance.  At one point Monday morning I was ready to throw up my hands and get the heck out of there to try and save his precious self esteem or what little he has left.  Autism comes with a very high social price.  At a glance he is a beautiful young new teenager, but it doesn't take long to realize after you have been around him that something isn't quite right.  But that is okay because I will take it....I can handle it...but am I helping him to handle it.  I dont recall ever feeling so numb as the day I got the news about what was wrong with him those 9 years ago.  My point with this is that while society and social norms continue to be an everlasting battle with him I will do everything in my earthly power to build him back up! 

Morgan....football...stacked teams...attention spent on Mason and always hanging in the shadows of someone else!  How on earth am I supposed to get this part right?  Can I or do I have it in me to build up what has been torn down by others? 
Mackenzie, friends, and sports!  I am speechless on this one.  I honestly dont know if I do have it in me to build up what is being torn down from that child on a daily basis at school and in sports.  I have never in all of my life encountered anything like it.  All I know is that I have to try!  I will die trying to help them succeed in anything they choose to do but when it starts involving or borderlining abusive situations...where do we as parents draw the line?  I have placed their names many times over in the last few weeks the scripture of Matthew 16:23.  Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Get Behind my family satan! You are a stumbling block to them; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.

If I have prayed it or written it down once...I have prayed and written it down a hundred times over!  I am running on empty myself at this point and do not know or see the big picture in all of this.  The only thing I do know is that God is in control and someday somehow we will all see it played out in a beautiful scene when we get to heaven.  I may not know today or this morning how we are going to make it but I do know that God knows and for now that is going to have to fill my love bank!  I am going to have to dig deep just as I told my precious Mackenzie tonight.  The events of the past few weeks aren't going to kill us....Lord knows I just want it all to pass.  I need a break....some time to gather myself and be that person that they all need me to be!  I pray that God will continue to guide me every step of the way.  If you have stopped by here to ponder a thought or two....please lift our family up in prayer.  We are being attacked and we need all the prayer we can get at this point!  Until next time...have a blessed day!